With schools coming back into session anyone with more than a passing interest in the well being of this great country has to wonder if the future of America is being thoroughly prepared for life outside of academia.
While there is still room for the fundamentals — reading, writing and arithmetic — anyone who has been watching the success stories in the political and business worlds know the real winners are the ones who can lie. Convincingly and successfully. (By success of course we define it by the standards our culture values — the accumulation of power, influence and lots of money.)
Whether the curriculum is taught in the first year of high school or as a progressive series of college prerequisites, the courses should, obviously, cover the basics.
LIES 101: The Difference Between Big, Little and White
Course description: An example of a big lie is generally a falsehood told to procure something of significant value from one or more individuals (you’ll see a 500 percent return on your investment in 10 days); a little lie is told to protect the feelings of a friend or family member (your first-ever Thanksgiving meal was delicious and you do not look fat in that football jersey you’re wearing on the couch); and a white lie is one told to assuage guilt or ease one’s discomfort (we elected a black president — twice. Racism in the USA does not exist).
LIES 101a: Now You Know What They Are, Do You Know When to Use Them?
Course description: Not every occasion calls for a monster lie. If you left your spouse a vehicle with an empty gas tank because you were too lazy to go to the gas station there is no need to contend you drove all over town in an effort to evade cartel members who were angry you broke up a drug deal. Instead tell the significant other there must be a broken gauge because when you parked in the driveway it showed you had a half-tank of gas.
LIES 420: Big Lies, Big Return
Course description: The successful liar will reap dividends from the promotion of the right untruths. From pharmaceutical marketing claims that promise massive weight loss or sexual prowess to the campaign promise that will deliver a much coveted place in elected office, the right lie can make you a winner.
LIES 789: No, You Did Not Lie
Course description: Has the media discovered your accomplishments and success were not as you portrayed to the public? Has a videotape contradicted your account of how a victim ended up in jail or the hospital? A good liar has a plan for when they are caught, including deflection (you should question the liar who made up these lies about me, not me) and distraction (the videotape does not show the whole story. I fought in the war.)
LIES 800: Spotted Liar
Course description: Can you determine who is lying and who is telling the truth? Of course you can. Send me money and I’ll teach you how.
