As your District Attorney, I’m committed to increasing communication and accessibility between the DA’s Office and you, the community. One way I hope to do that is through this monthly column, where I will provide information and tips on how you can stay safe.
This month, I’d like to talk about domestic violence. In San Diego County, there are about 17,000 incidents of domestic violence reported to law enforcement every year. Domestic violence is the leading cause of violent death to women in the U.S. These cases cross all socio-economic boundaries and affect people of all ethnicities, cultures, and lifestyles. Unfortunately, most victims do not report abuse out of fear, embarrassment, and a sense of loyalty and love to the abuser.
It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive. In fact, many abusive partners may seem perfect in the early stages. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t appear overnight; instead they emerge and intensify as the relationship grows. Similarly, once violence begins, it often becomes more frequent and more severe over time. That’s why early intervention is so important.
Of course, domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that abusive partners assert or attempt to assert power and control over their partners.
If you’re beginning to feel as if your partner is becoming abusive, look for behaviors such as:
• Telling you that you can never do anything right
• Showing jealousy of your friends and time spent away
• Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing friends or family memers
• Embarrassing or shaming you with put-downs
• Controlling every penny spent in the household
• Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
• Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
• Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
• Preventing you from making your own decisions
• Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
• Preventing you from working or attending school
• Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
• Intimidating you with guns, knives or other weapons
• Pressuring you to do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
• Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol
Understand that any physical abuse, no matter how slight, is domestic violence. Pushing, shoving, slapping, kicking, punching, shaking, and placing hands on the throat area are all acts of domestic violence. Threatening someone with calling immigration if they report abuse is also an illegal tactic. The law protects everyone.
It is also important to know that domestic violence is often learned behavior and can be generational until the cycle is broken. This means that children, who witness their role models at home perpetrating abuse or being abused, learn that behavior or are at least desensitized to it. Children who experience domestic violence are at higher risk of becoming victims themselves or becoming abusers.
Finally, I want to mention the subject of strangulation – one of the most deadly and most personal forms of physical abuse. It is a key indicator that domestic violence may lead to murder. Last year our office along with local law enforcement officials developed a strangulation protocol, which outlines a coordinated community response on how to handle strangulation cases.
Our office partners with agencies such as the San Diego Domestic Violence Council, to fight domestic violence. We try to get involved early – at the push or shove stage. In doing so, we’ve found that early intervention saves lives. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day and is confidential, just call 1?800?799?7233.
Also, the supportive staff at the San Diego Family Justice Center, located in downtown San Diego at 1122 Broadway, Suite 200. The offer mental health providers onsite and access to virtually all wrap around services a victim of domestic violence may need. They can be reached at 866-933-HOPE (4673).If you or someone you care about is a victim of domestic violence, please seek help.
Summer Stephan is San Diego County District Attorney.
