Ever since Cain turned to Abel one Saturday morning and asked, “What do you want to get Dad for Father’s Day?”offspring have faced a similar dilemma.
What do you get the man who has everything or, worse, says he doesn’t want anything?
In Cain and Abel’s case, their mother’s suggestion they get him a fruit basket featuring apples and apple desserts was probably ill-advised.
Up to that point, they had it all. Dear old dad and family were living in paradise and literally had everything they wanted.
But the year after that first Father’s Day the family lost everything and Pops was doomed to receive a lame gift year after year after year.
Every year on Father’s Day after the boys were out of earshot the boys’ dad would turn to their mother.
“What the heck am I supposed to do with this thing?” he’d ask, holding out yet another neck tie.
For centuries children have faced the same, almost unanswerable question: What do you get Dad for Father’s Day?
Not everyone is fortunate enough to have to come up with an answer. But those of us who do are challenged with having to come up with just the right present, only to fall short of expectation and satisfaction. Some of us have it worse than others.
After all, what do you get the man who is a self-proclaimed billionaire who owes more than $300 million in penalties for having been found liable in a civil fraud case this year?, just months after a different judge ordered him to pay about $83 million to a woman whom he defamed. That same woman the year before was awarded $5 million dollars for successfully proving he sexually assaulted her.
The problem is compounded when your dad has been accumulating millions of dollars in legal fees because he’s currently embroiled in a handful of criminal cases in various states. And just last month he was convicted of committing 34 felonies in a case about paying hush money to an adult film actress with whom he had an affair while he was married to your mom.
Oh, and he is running for president of the United States this year.
Do you get him a fruit basket sans apples, lest they remind him he is perilously close to losing it all?
